Friday, May 6, 2011

Tales from the Dojo

I took karate for about 16 years before I went off to college. Over the course of those years they became like a second family to me and I some downs syndrome ridden dog to them. They were always better than me. In my defense I moved to the adult class at the age of 10 so all my friends were, well adults. We have a rule in the Dojo whoever comes in second place in the weekly sparing matches buys all the beer/mountain dew and pizza we always had man pizza by the way bacon, buffalo chicken, ham, garlic and onion. I was always exempt from this rule due to being on average 30 years younger than the rest of them.
So this big black guy Dave places second again to the instructor Mr. Rose. So anyhow they start drinking eating pizza and talking about how they are both manly men who do manly things. They challenge each other to an iron man contest IE smash things into yourself to break them. Mr. Rose picks up a fork lets out a man shout and stabs his fore arm with it. the fork bends upward upon touching his skin it makes a dam U shape. This was a real fork like chrome or some shit. Dave picks up a serrated bread knife and shouts "don't be a pussy" and promptly shoves the bread knife through his leg
The nearby waitress promptly passes out. Dave pulls the knife back out off his legs and says good thing that was my fake leg.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Hospitial bit II

This is a continuation for the previous update  I'm not really sure if it fits but tell me what you think please.
This guy was like 70 easy and the TV is 6 feet up and 12 feet away considering the world record for longest cum shot is 18 feet and this guy just cleared 12 at 70. I actualy had to bust out my ld high school math text book to remember how to figure out a hypotenuse, (a squared + b squared = c squared) just so i could figure out how far an old man nutted, roughly 13 feet FYI.
Here's the thing that grosses me out the most though the TV was at such an angle to his bed that he would of had to bend the business at an 80 degree angle to even point it at the TV. That is unless he had spider-man like powers and he could climb the wall behind the TV and masturbate there.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

That was Fast

Only took adsense a few hours to get up and running holy crap...
I don't really have content up and typed yet but here's a bit of my stand up bit tell me what you think about it. I hope I really don't need to say this but this is all copyright of me as it is my own work.

I used to work at a hospital in central mass great place no complaints it was a good summer job. pay was nice and if I ever hurt myself on the job a doctor was 20 feet away.
so one day this old guy Jerry, Jerry smith J's checked in because he had a heart attack a few days ago and now his chest was hurting. My job was to clean all the rooms on the floor he was staying in. Let me tell you never had an easier time cleaning a room mainly because he could get up and go to the bathroom in a proper toilet. I just want you all to know that when I say I cleaned the rooms I mean I cleaned the rooms everything. That's no joke I was told to wash the tops of the TV sets. So I do and I've washed Jerry's Room 3 times now and he's gone, don't worry he's not dead he just went to another hospital to see a surgeon he likes. This is the fourth time I was going to clean his room and as same as every day I start at the top of the room and work my way down. so I'm cleaning the top of the TV set when. my cloth gets stuck on a little sticky spot. I was curious because I'd washed this TV 3 times before and it wasn't there. So I go and grab my friend Mickey from across the hall and I ask him what he thinks the spot is.
fucker sniffed it.
He says to me "one minute." he goes and grabs a swab and takes a sample.  he leaves the room and comes back 15 minutes later he says "yup it's jizz"

First Post

Hello fellas welcome to RicHard's Blog for the Soft Man I'll begin updating in a few days when my adsense application goes through I'd just do this post to show you all that I'm really here and not a robot.

Just so you know what whacko you're listening to, I'm Richard Joseph a 20 year old college student in Vermont with a major in Electronic Journalism Arts. Hobbies include photography, people watching, cartoon watching, karate, and stand up comedy as a career. (This whole college thing is really just my fall back plan)

As for what I'll be blogging about, look at my interests that'll be 99% of what I'll blog about. Hope to update soon.